Hartnell Chanot: Divorce/Family Law Solicitors Exeter, Devon

Divorce and your children

Thursday, 01 June 2006 02:00

Divorce is increasing at an astounding rate, and many children are now growing up in a single parent environment.

One of a parent’s greatest concerns is how divorce will affect their child – will the child suffer emotional problems, will the seperation cause permanent unhappiness or lifelong dysfunction?

When to tell your child

It is important to make your child aware that you have problems as soon as possible. Honesty and truthfulness is essential: it is critical to emphasise that they are in no way to blame for the breakup and unhappiness. Both parents should talk to the child about the decision to divorce as calmly and sensitively as possible to make it less painful for the child, reassuring the child at all times that it is not their fault.

How will your child react?

Children's emotional reactions depend on their age, and this will affect their level of understanding. It is common for children to experience feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety and loss - and it's not uncommon for these feelings to be expressed in their behavior. By minimizing the stress the situation creates and responding openly and honestly to your child's concerns, you can help your child through this difficult time. It is important for your child not to feel guilty, that it is good for them to spend time with the other parent, and that both parents love them unconditionally.

The Legal Process

•    Parental Responsibility

The terms "custody" and "access" are no longer used legally to describe which parent the child or children live with and how often the other parent sees them. This is now known as ‘Parental Responsibility’ and the mother automatically has parental responsibility. The father does also but only if he is married to the mother at the time of birth in the case of children born after the 1st December 2003 or if he registers the child's birth with the mother. You do not lose parental responsibility if you get divorced and you will carry on being the child's full legal parent whether or not the child lives with you.

•    Where a child lives

It is better for parents to agree between themselves where the child should live in order to avoid a court order and save a lot of legal costs. If you cannot agree you may have to use a mediation service but if mediation is not an option, either of you can make an application to the court. This can be done whether or not you have already started divorce proceedings and the court will only make an order if it would be better for the child than not making one.

•    Talking things through

Talking with a mediator or divorce counsellor can help parents air their grievances in a way that doesn't cause harm to the children. Though it may be difficult, working together in this way will spare your child the harm caused by continued bitterness and anger.

After the Divorce

Try to keep regular routines and parental roles in place. This will help children feel more secure. Do not blame the other parent or put the child in the middle of an adult situation that he or she doesn't have the maturity to handle.

Child Maintenance

You can apply to the Child Support Agency before filing for divorce or you can come to an agreement voluntarily. Your solicitor can advise what is best for you in your particular circumstances. In brief maintenance is 15% for one child, 20% for two children and 25% for three and calculation starts with the non-resident parent's weekly net income and personal circumstances: but there are many other factors to consider.

For further information call Caroline Ryan on 01392 421777.