Category Archives: Your Parents

Survive the summer with Relate

Posted on by
Reply

Exeter and District relationship counselling and advice service Relate is offering a series of tips and advice to help families navigate the long summer holidays.

The Summer Holiday Survival Guide will be using Facebook as a forum to share advice tips and ideas to make this summer more fun and enjoyable for the whole family.

Veronica Beckett, Relate said: “The awful weather has been putting a strain on all of us recently and if you are dreading the schools breaking up for the long holiday and the likelihood of continuing rain, then it’s time to start planning now. ”

She also commented: “We are also hoping that people will come onto our page and share their ideas with other members of the community.”

To find out more or add some tips of you own click HERE

New Families

Posted on by
Reply

One or both of your parents may live with or marry a person who already has children and you may become part of a stepfamily. Life in a stepfamily can be difficult to begin with as you have to deal with a new stepfather or stepmother in your life and with new stepbrothers or sisters.

Try to be polite even if you do not like them at first. They may become your friends.

Sharing a home with people you don’t know can be hard. You may resent sharing your mum and dad with new people and find it hard to share your space. There can be new family rules to get used to and a whole new way of living.

Sometimes stepbrothers and sisters never really get on well, while others have a lot of really good times together. It helps if everyone can keep talking and be open about how they’re feeling and if you do your best to accept your new family situation.

Don’t be afraid to speak up though if you’re finding it really difficult. Talk it through with your mum or dad and see if you can make little changes to make family life easier.

Learning to live with new people can take time. Having a bigger family means there will always be someone around, but try to find a quiet place to call your own. Your stepsiblings may be good to talk to as they will have been through the separation process themselves and they may be feeling the same emotions as you

Parents Dating

Posted on by
Reply

After they have been apart for some time, your mum or dad may start to see someone new. They may go on to live with or marry this person and even have a baby.

This can feel really strange, as you’re not used to seeing your mum or dad in this way. If you’re a little older, you may be starting to go out on dates yourself and it can be unsettling to find your parents doing the same thing.

Whatever your age, you will need time to get to know this new person and to get used to the situation. Remember, they’re not there to replace your mum or dad and you don’t have to like them straight away – just be open, honest and give them a chance

“I was really nervous about meeting Jenny, dad’s new girlfriend. We went for a pizza and I couldn’t eat much. Next time it was better, and now she takes me shopping – it’s really nice.” Debbie 13.

You might feel guilty about spending time with your mum or dad’s new partner and this is quite normal. You can feel disloyal and like you shouldn’t enjoy yourself. If you find this happening, it is a good idea to talk to them about how you’re feeling.

Mixed Feelings

You can also feel happy that your mum or dad has met someone else and feel sad at the same time. It’s okay to have mixed feelings, everyone has mixed feelings about difficult situations and it’s important not to be too hard on yourself. Having a new partner is a sign that your mum or dad is moving on and this can be hard to accept.

No one expects you to cope with your feelings alone. Your mum or dad meeting someone else is a new situation for you to understand and it will really help to talk to someone about it. If you feel you can’t talk to your parents, speak to a friend you can trust, a relative or teacher.

After a while you might like having a new man or woman around. You know they can never replace your mum or dad but you can still have fun together.

New Partners

It will probably feel strange the first time you see your parents with a new partner and getting to know each other will take time. Remember, they are not going to replace your mum or dad but they can still become an important person in your life.

“When Mark moved in with mum I felt very nervous about having him around. He started telling me when to go to bed and that made me really angry. I spoke to mum about it and Mark stopped telling me what to do. Now we play computer games together and get along quite well.” Scott, 13.

Give Them A Chance

Try to give your mum or dad’s new partner a chance. They will probably be just as nervous about meeting for the first time as you are. Sometimes it takes time to get used to a parent’s new partner but you can get to like having them around.

If you find you are having problems getting along, it’s a good idea to talk to your mum or dad and tell them what it is that’s making you unhappy.

New Families

One or both of your parents may live with or marry a person who already has children and you may become part of a stepfamily. Life in a stepfamily can be difficult to begin with as you have to deal with a new stepfather or stepmother in your life and with new stepbrothers or sisters.

Try to be polite even if you do not like them at first. They may become your friends.

Sharing a home with people you don’t know can be hard. You may resent sharing your mum and dad with new people and find it hard to share your space. There can be new family rules to get used to and a whole new way of living.

Sometimes stepbrothers and sisters never really get on well, while others have a lot of good times together. It helps if everyone can keep talking and be open about how they’re feeling and if you do your best to accept your new family situation.

Speak Up

Don’t be afraid to speak up though if you’re finding it really difficult. Talk it through with your mum or dad and see if you can make little changes to make family life easier.

Learning to live with new people can take time. Having a bigger family means there will always be someone around, but try to find a quiet place to call your own. Your stepsiblings may be good to talk to as they will have been through the separation process themselves and they may be feeling the same emotions as you.

Will Your Parents Get Back Together?

Posted on by
Reply

If you really love your parents it’s normal to hope that they will get back together again. They used to love each other once, so why not now? Sometimes you just long for things to go back to ‘the way they were.’

Whether your parents decide to divorce or even if they choose to give it another try, their decision is not based on anything you say or do. It may be tempting to think that if only you can remind them of the good times they once had, that they may fall in love again and get back together.

“I tried talking to my mum and dad about family holidays we used to have. I hoped it would make them see they could stay together now and not get divorced but it seemed to make them feel even more sad. After a while my mum told me that even though she had a lot of happy memories with my dad they just couldn’t work out their problems anymore and couldn’t be happy together. This was difficult to take but at least I knew where I stood.” Mia, 14.

You may hope your parents will marry again. Divorce is final and most parents do not get back together. You can still love both parents. That does not change with divorce. Your parents will always love you.

Trial Separation

It’s not always a clean break when parents decide to split up. Sometimes they will separate for a while to see how they feel about each other. Usually one parent will move out of the family home for this. If you’re hoping your parents will get back together this can be a difficult situation. Sometimes they might decide to give it another try and it works out. Other times they may move back in and then find they really can’t stay together and leave again, which can be confusing. In other cases they may realise they are better off apart and separate permanently.

Talk To Your Parents

If you find yourself hoping and wondering about whether your parents will get back together or not, try talking to them about your feelings. Be as honest as you can and explain to them how confused you are and ask them to be honest with you. Once your parents have told you what the situation is don’t be afraid to ask more questions until you feel you have enough facts.

It’s important to really listen to what your parents say. They may not be able to give you a yes or no answer but they can tell you what the situation is at that time. If they tell you that their relationship is over and that they really wish to separate permanently, try to believe them. Refusing to accept the truth can stop you from coming to terms with it.

Your Parents Behaviour

Posted on by
Reply

It’s hard to be around parents who are not getting along. Hearing them argue, shout, cry and slam doors can be tough. The tension in the house is hard for everyone to bear especially if they are not speaking to each other.

“It was really hard in the house for ages before my parent’s split up. Mum and dad didn’t talk to each other much and only talked to me. When they did talk it turned into a row over the smallest thing and I stayed out with my friends as much as possible.” Tara, 14.

They still love you

When people are going through difficulties such as divorce, their behaviour can change for a while too. You may find your parents become more strict about things they did not mind before, or that the rules are more relaxed and they don’t seem to notice you as much. Your parents may sometimes fight with you when really they are angry with each other.

Even if your parents seem distracted, they still love you and want to know what’s bothering you. Find a quiet time and talk to them about how you’re feeling and what’s upsetting you.

You might find you’re worried that your parents will be lonely or will not be able to cope and want to look after them, but it’s important to remember that your parents are the adults and while it is nice to be able to comfort them, it’s not up to you to solve their problems. Even if they are sad and angry, they will get used to the changes in their lives but it will take time.

Parents Fighting

Everyone falls out from time to time, including your parents. It’s healthy to argue about important things to clear the air and not let things build up.

Some parents can argue quite a lot and still have a happy marriage. However sometimes you may find your parents cannot agree on anything and argue all the time.

It is not your fault

Parents often think that if they argue behind closed doors, you will not be affected. This is not true, often if you can hear shouting and slamming doors this can be scary. If you hear your name, you may worry that you have done something wrong. Remember – whatever is going on with your parents, it is their argument and not your fault.

Silent Arguing

Not everyone shouts when they have a row. You may find your parents have stopped speaking to each other. This is another way of arguing and can make the house a very difficult and uncomfortable place to live. Sometimes, the only person your parents will speak to in the house is you and this can make you feel awkward. If this happens, do not be afraid to speak to them and ask them to find a way of communicating so you won’t have to feel stuck in the middle.

‘Heated’ Arguments

Sometimes parents can get really angry and lose control. This may lead to heated arguments and maybe even involve shoving or hitting each other. If you feel you’re being bullied or hurt by your parent’s behaviour, it’s essential to talk to someone like a relative, teacher or school counsellor. They will be able to help you stay safe and talk your problems through.

Why Do Parents Divorce?

Posted on by
Reply

When your parents married they expected to stay together until the end of their lives. But sometimes a marriage that starts out perfectly, can turn bad over time. Your parents may decide that getting a ‘divorce’ is the only way to make things better.

Divorce – What Does It Mean?

When parents ‘divorce’ it means they are legally ending their marriage. This has to be done by a Judge. They will not have to appear in Court unless they disagree on anything.

Whether your parents are married or not, if they decide to split up it will almost certainly involve them not living together anymore. This will bring about changes in family life which can be difficult and painful for all of you including your parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters you may have.

Today, nearly half the marriages in Britain end in divorce so you are not alone. Many of your friends may have parents who are divorced.

Why Do Parents Divorce?

Most people go into relationships, especially marriage, believing that they will stay together forever. However, there are many reasons why couples find themselves unable to stay together.

  • Drifting apart – Just like young people, adults change throughout life. Sometimes, couples find that as they grow older, they develop different interests and no longer have anything in common with the other person or feel that they do not know them anymore.
  • Stop loving each other – Sometimes, without any reason, one or both people in a couple find they do not love each other anymore and no matter how hard they try they cannot make it work.
  • Cannot work out differences – Some couples accept arguing as a normal part of family life, but others find they can’t agree on many important issues and that arguments arise all the time without being settled. Some parents argue silently without speaking to each other. After a while this can become destructive and couples can decide that they would rather be apart.
  • Wanting to be with a new partner – Sometimes one partner in a marriage may fall in love with someone else and feel that they can no longer stay with the person they are married to. They may feel that the new person understands them better than their current partner and that they wish to start a new life with them.
  • Major life changes – Losing a job, becoming ill or the death of someone close can affect people deeply and sometimes it can cause problems within a marriage. While many couples can work through this and come out stronger, others find they cannot move on together and decide to split up.
  • Abusive relationships – Everyone knows it’s wrong to abuse or hurt a child or another adult, but it can go on in families undetected for a long time. In these cases it is sometimes necessary for the non-abusing family members to leave the abuser in order to protect their family.